'Holy conferencing' is 'means of grace,' bishop says

Bishop Sally Dyck speaks about holy conferencing to the Women's Division of the United Methodist Board of Global Ministries. A UMNS photo by Cassandra Heller.

By Linda Bloom*

STAMFORD, Conn. (UMNS) - Growing up in a Mennonite community, United Methodist Bishop Sally Dyck learned about peacemaking at an early age.

Now she and others would like to see an emphasis on peacemaking or "holy conferencing" implemented more widely across the denomination.

Dyck, of Minneapolis, spoke about the need for holy conferencing during the Oct. 5-8 annual meeting of the Women's Division, United Methodist Board of Global Ministries. "While The United Methodist Church has not been a historic peace church, it's had the emphasis for many, many years," she told directors of the division.

Dyck considers peacemaking to be a "major function" of Christian discipleship. She characterized holy conferencing as a "means of grace," a way of being open to what God has intended.

Noting that the word "confer" means "to mutually search for truth," she added, "How we make those decisions may be every bit as important as what they are."

Training to talk
As an example, the bishop recounted the story of how a difficult decision was made at a local church where she served for 13 years. To help church members, listening posts were set up, but the problem was that people spoke "without any thought to the consequences," she said.

"I realized that we needed some training about how to talk to one another," Dyck explained.

An outside organization, Compassionate Communications, helped the church set up rules for conversation. One day, after worship and a potluck lunch, members signed up to make 90-second statements about the decision, with each statement followed by 10 seconds of silence. "People listened and then we prayed and went home," she recalled.

The next week, a vote was taken. A few people complained about restrictions on free speech, Dyck said, "but people wanted, ultimately, to stay in community with each other."

As bishop, she employed a similar strategy when the Minnesota Annual Conference debated nine petitions on the issue of homosexuality in 2006.

Peacemaking, Dyck told the Women's Division directors, does not mean backing off from your own beliefs, but expressing those beliefs in a calm, respectful way - "to share your passion without that passion becoming an angry passion."

Dyck led a working group that refined "Guidelines for Holy Conferencing - What God Expects of Us," which was inspired by the denomination's young people and was based on guidelines emerging from a dialogue on theological diversity in 1998. The guidelines have been endorsed by organizers of General Conference, the denomination's top lawmaking body, which meets next April 23-May 2 in Fort Worth, Texas.

Guidelines for holy conferencing
.Every person is a child of God. Always speak respectfully. One can disagree without being disagreeable.

.As you patiently listen and observe the behavior of others, be open to the possibility that God can change the views of any or all parties in the discussion.
.Listen patiently before formulating responses.

.Strive to understand the experience out of which others have arrived at their views.
.Be careful in how you express personal offense at differing opinions. Otherwise dialogue may be inhibited.

.Accurately reflect the views of others when speaking. This is especially important when you disagree with that position.
.Avoid using inflammatory words, derogatory names or an excited and angry voice.
.Avoid making generalizations about individuals and groups. Make your point with specific evidence and examples.
.Make use of facilitators and mediators.
.Remember that people are defined, ultimately, by their relationship with God - not by the flaws we discover, or think we discover, in their views and actions.

*Bloom is a United Methodist News Service news writer based in New York.